Always wear clean underwear

It's been a little while since I wrote anything. I've tried to focus on my book, yet continue to be-little my own efforts as a lost cause of improper grammer and soft dialouge. I've also got caught up with the "real" world of fast decisions and long reprucusions. The decision to get my own apartment, with the stress of how I'm going to sustain my lifestyle of booze induced hazy adventures. The decision to create new projects at work, with the fallen satisfaction of overseeing the projects with little benefit to my own self worthiness. Everyday a new decision, most of which leads to the question we all ask after, was that the right decision.

Why do we feel the need to question our decisions so intently. Maybe I'm alone here, and for the reader with the perfect marriage, perfect job and perfect waistline, my writings not for you anyway; so let me loan you twenty bucks, go get a lap dance, ruin your marriage, become a drunk, lose your job and let your stomach start hanging of your tight beige Dockers. This is for the rest of us. The kids in high school who worried too much about that zit eyeing back at you in the mirror, laughing as it symetrically alligned itself on your nose, perfectly placed between your eyes. This is for the ones who worry they're not getting enough excercise, so to subdue the thoughts of insecurity, grab another beer to relax. This if for the ones who always seem to question things more then just accept the printed answers of life.

But then again, maybe thats just me.

Anyways, most of us spend so much time questioning things, the real world seems to swim by in a haze. I wish I could run a mathmatical equation as such - Time spent worrying, stressing or questioning things divided by total Life Span equals percentage wasted. Thats right, wasted. But wait, you might ask, some of the things I worry about our necessary for survival. If I don't worry about losing my job, then I might lose my job, then I might not be able to afford my mortage, then I might be collecting bottles in the dumpster behind those tattered blue apartments, then I lose everything. Possibly, but you might just keep your job.

When I was in college, I worried a lot about my future, as most college students do. "What do I want to be?" I would ask myself with delusional thoughts of what life would be like in each scenario. I graduate with a Business Degree, but no, then I would be a suit, working for corporate america as a pawn in its long drawn out game of chess. I could get my Communications Degree, wait, what the hell does that even mean. Am I going to be a sportswriter for the Daily Post, oh crap, I don't even like sports, thats not going to work. A continous attempt at different subjects in search for what best fits your personality and makes you happy, constantly causes you stress in those first days of independent thinking. And whats it all worth?

I finally relinquished the idea of becoming a Teacher in inner city schools. That's right everyone, I was going to "save the world". Help one economically challenged individual at a time. Self rewarding, not to mention when you're 21 years old, fifty grand sounds like great money! I launched myself into this idea of my future whole heartedly. Studying not only the subjects in which I would teach, but how to be a great teacher; kind, patient, understanding. After I completed everything and got my degree, I was ready to teach.

But a Teacher I did not become. Instead I answered a Monster.com ad, low and behold I now manage an operations center... who would have thought. So if I knew then, what I know now, would I have not wasted those hours stressing for the future and instead utilized them to enjoy the luxuries of college life; i.e. booze before hangovers. Does questioning and stress simply waste time in a life that is controlled by forces other then our own?

It has been confirmed by a scrawny, pasty looking guy in a white lab coat that for every action, there is a re-action. Well what if an action of another, causes a re-action that affects my action; therefore a different re-action then I had anticipated. Huh? What? No, I assure you that I have not been drinking.....yet. However, think about it, we are not truely in control of our re-actions.

Why didn't I become a Teacher. Well, someone in California Legislature felt that they needed to cut the budget, then advised someone to look for cuts...an action. That caused the re-action of another looking for cuts and finding the cost of education to be substantial and should be cut, they cut the number of increasing teachers by ending the "emergency credential" program; therefore all teachers needed to have the Teaching Credential before being allowed to teach... an action. I could not get a job teaching after graduating without going thru more school, a re-action; therefore I went on Monster.com to look for a different career path.... an action. Now the education system will be in crisis without my thorough abililites to make every student a better person. Alright, maybe that parts a farce, but the rest is true.

In todays world of economic crisis, the end result of most actions are decided by an outside party. I could stress every night about losing my job; however that won't change the fact that if the budget is tight, someone can make the decision to lay me off. All I can do is continue working to the best of my abilities, without fear of the future. Our ability to control our lives has been stripped by the fact we don't control our re-actions. There are to many factors involving other people for anything to truely be controlled by your own decisions.

Wait, says the smart ass in the front row, with their hand waving back and forth impatiently, "I control my own health by what I eat." So great, you might live to be an old fart wearing diapers depending...no pun intended, on some underpaid nurse to wipe your ass, trying to remember what it felt like to get laid. Good Luck with that. Or you might get struck by a bus tomorrow, so don't worry about if you should walk on the sidewalk or stay at home. You have no ability to control the drivers reactions...just make sure you wear clean underwear and whistle while you walk.